sheena is a punk rocker|
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|Friday, December 15th, 2006|
hey guys... havent updated in here for awhile. i miss writing like i used to. .. a read worthy post will come with a bit of time. for right now im writing a short one. just had some cinnamon toast crunch for breakfast. now ive got to do the dishes and power clean before i go to work today. adam is playing his new video game FEAR. he loves it. im happy. hehe. : ) I love you Adam! alright thats it for now! later everyone. <3
|Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006|
|The Perfect Date!!!
so... had a rough night last night. went to bed at 5am and woke up at 7am for the longest school day of my life. i made it through the day. Adam textd me a lot and kept me smiling and all giggly! hehe <3 :) Then I took the citybus home. woot. quite an experience yet again. haha. then i finally made it home. dropped off my school crap and walked down to the bank. i changed $20 for 2 rolls of quarters for whenever i do the laundry. then i went home and showered for my dinner date with my babe.
so... i wore this black DRESS with red roses on it, black heals and had my hair look UBER curly and it looked like i had my hair curled professionally but i didnt, its all natural lol. Adam buzzed my apt door to let me know he was here and to let him in and thus began the best night of my life thus far.
I open the door to my appt... the lock got stuck so i couldnt open the door, haha, so it took me a sec to open the door haha. then when the door opens, he is standing there all snazzed up in black dress pants and shirt with a cute and wrinkly tie <3 and hes holding a bouquet of 3 beautiful roses. red and pink roses. AMAZING. I take the flowers and lean in (while still in the doorway) and kiss him and I got chills!!! haha omg. insane.
i asked him "are you sure I look okay hunny, do u think I should grab a sweater to wear over this?" and he said "no you look beautiful!" :)
Guys are you taking notes here...!?!?!?! get your pen and pad of paper! Girls are waiting for YOU!
So then we go to the car and we drive to the Olive Garden (ive never been there). We walk in there like we owned the place. I felt so amazing and so beautiful when I was with him. I felt like we were the only two there. I fell so hard for him. A few people were lookin at us (the like OH theyre in love look) coz we kissed a few times, HAH :) then we were seated and I felt like it was just us two in that restaurant. The waiter was awesome! the breadsticks are to DIE for. The food was sooo good! We had a GREAT time. When we got there, our waitress (i think she was just the hostess) remarked on how we were both dressed up, and i said "he made me" and she seated us and then replied "well, its okay, you two are the best dressed couple in here so its ok!" and i was like ... WOW. thanks :) hehehehe
then as we were walking out of the restaurant, there was a car pulling out of the parking spot a ways to the left and so I stopped for a sec to give Adam a kiss for such a beautiful evening and for making me feel so happy just being with him, and the couple in the car passed us and HONKED at us coz we were kissing for a sec and then waved at us. ahahahaha. AW-MAZING! lol
then we came back to my appt and hung around for a bit. looking into his eyes make me so weak. he has the greatest smile ive ever seen.
At dinner, he revealed to me how he planned this night so I could wear the rose dress since i havent worn it in years and i wanted to wear it but had no occassion. He also told me he wanted each of us to dress up so He would make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the place. and well... it worked! hehe. He wanted to make me feel so special and he deff did.
I had the greatest night ever. I Love You Baby! Thank You So Much for such an amazing night. It was so much fun. I cant believe how happy you make me. :) I'm glad im just returning the feeling. hehe. :)
Now im off to bed to dream about my baby and wake up in the AM to another sweet text from him. (guys... texting a girl in the AM to wake her up or to leave her a nice msg in the morning seriously makes us melt. we LOVE that!) then off to school. I have only one class tomorrow. my algebra professor wont be in school tomorrow so i have no class tomorrow. so i have class from 10am to 1050am then i have to work at 3pm to 10pm.
Alright.... Just wanted to tell you all of my lovely evening with my babe. <3 G'Night all. <3
|Wednesday, September 27th, 2006|
dont know who reads this, writes in this, or whatever but i feel like stating...
my best friend adam and i are now dating. we both couldnt be happier.
I Love Him. <3 :)
He Loves Me. <3 :)
for once I am TRULY happy. :D
9.19.06 = taken. <3 Adam <3
|Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006|
|Starting a new chapter in my life
so today i moved out my bed, and started moving out more of my belongings and i came home to my dad crying. he wouldnt tell my mom what was wrong but I knew. I went upstairs, and sat on his leg and hugged him and gave him a kiss and talked to him for a few minutes. tears were just streaming down his face... i knew. i hate how my dad feels like he cant talk to me or tell me how he feels or open up to me. it hurts to not know how he feels or assume how he feels. and me being his "baby" and im the last one to leave the nest, hurts him. But im hoping this will be good for all of us. im hoping things between him and my mother will be reconstructed for a brighter future and that our "relationship" if you can call it that, will be restored or torn down and rebuilt from scratch. I dont expect my dad to change but so far hes been nice to me when I saw him both times today. He actually talked to me like... well... like you would talk to anyone. i gave him a hug and kiss before he left for work (when i got home from work), and things seemed a bit different between us. im only across the street, and its not like i wont call or come visit. but i have hopes for the future and i hope that things improve.
tonight, im home to get a fewwwwww things, and eat then im going back to my appt and im going to bed, and i have the next 2 days off. thurs i have to test out of a comp class for college, and the next 2 days i have to move my stuff out of the house, and fix up my appt. and start cleaning it and putting the food away and such. also setting up my bathroom and getting everything situated so i can shower and all that jazz lol.
i have a laptop now because my sister (idk if tim helped or not but if he did then THANKS to you too) bought me a laptop and surprised me with it. it is BY FAR the most snazziest thing ive ever seen and im reallllllllly greatful they did that for me. Idk if it has internet or not but i can play around with it and check out my new laptop. i have my cell phone so if you guys wanna give me a call and keep me company or just talk for a lil bit you are always welcome to. it would deffinately make me feel really happy to hear from you guys. even if i cant talk for too long, just even a few minutes would be great and much appreciated. :) hehe but if not, thats understandable lol.
im going to be donating more of my "possessions" to the salvation army again. together my sister and i donated about 6+ bags of clothes and then we donated books, toys, and it made me feel really good. im not doing it to be "rewarded", but im doing to help others, to not be wasteful, and to give back to those who provided my family with things we needed for 11 years. I know that the salvation army is not a pity thing or "low class" thing or meant to make anyone feel bad about going there (whether out of obligation, choice or in general), but I know whats its like to have so little and to have so much. So I'm just giving back. :)
I'm excited to start college, i know its gonna be different and its gonna be fun. Im UBER pumped that I have friday psych with my BFFL EMILY!!! how amazing is that. I have my college ID now and everything. I am enjoying this part of growing up, although its taking quite a hit on my checking account... GRAH! lol. but its worth it! I am willing to work for what i want/need and I wont stop to achieve my goals! :D
I went to the chiropractor today and it was much needed. Dr. Ron said I was in great health! :D my calcium, my iron, everything. He said I had no vitamin or mineral deficiencies or anything and I am happy to hear that (and surprisingly not shocked at this lol).
I had a great start to work then had a few customers who really just razzed me. then i felt bleh for a bit, my mngr asked if i was feeling alright and i said yeah... just had a few really mean customers. but im fine. and i got over it, but it bothers me sometimes how rude ppl can be, its astounding. but i didnt take it personally coz i was DOING MY JOB! and i saw 2 old friends of the family and MY BEST FRIEND ADAMMM! (and i saw ALEX a few days ago and that made me wickeddd happy!) and wow it just made my day so much!
now im home for a lil bit to get a few things and make a few cds. i made myself a sandwich and a nice hot cup of tea and all is well. I got my dad off to work and in a lil while, i'll be heading on back to my appt and going to bed. :) hehe
not everyone agrees with me moving in with my sister, but her and i have a bond like no other. and her and i get along great. But im happy that her and I both are standing on our own two feet now and were taking care of things that needed to be taken care of. Were doing our own thing now and doing what weve got to do, regardless of whether others approve of it or not, and if we fall on our faces, atleast we tried and did our own thing and took a step on our own two feet. sometimes youve got to do things on your own, even if others have "been there done that" or whatever the case may be. sometimes youve just got to find out for yourself even if you could just take the other person's word for it. This is our chance for change, and for a lot of things. and im excited that we can take care of eachother. I'm glad i'll get to see her more often and to have a bit of freedom. I hope to soon get my license and be able to drive.
I find out tomorrow if i can get saturday off and if so im going to spend the day in BOSTON (which ive only been to the airport lol and the bmfa) with my BEST FRIEND EVER TAMIKA and shes gonna make me breakfast, and play me her song! and were gonna go to a park, out to eat, the boston museum of fine arts (which i fell in LOVE with!), and were gonna go to a jazz festival concert thing and its gonna be amazing. i cant wait. im really excited.
im excited for the pow wow coming up sept 9 & 10th. im going on saturday i believe. i can go part of sunday but i cant take the weekend off last minute and so i will just go and leave early (as sad and difficult as that will be for me to do).
There has been a lot of change that has happened over the course of this past year and continuing to this day... and im hoping some real accomplishments will be made. I have continued to grow with each day and experience and still continue to do so now. im very proud of the things i have accomplished and am very ambitious on the things i will do in the future. I have goals for myself and wont stop until I achieve them. I am becoming who I am and I know exactly who I am as of right now. I know where I wanna go and what I wanna do. I know where I came from and I am always grounded and humble throughout it all. I know I will face many challenges in the upcoming future, in work, in college, in fam situations, in life... but i know i will learn and get through it all with my head held up high, and if my head begins to bow, then I know I have my friends and family to always be there for me, and me for them in return. I miss alot of my friends and apologize for not having a crapload of time over the summer to hang out. Most of you understand, and i thank you for it.
So... I guess i'll end this here so I can finish what I need to and then go home to my appt. if im not online and you need to get ahold of me, then you can just call anytime, thats perfectly fine by me. :)
Well, I hope everyone is doing ok and god bless you if you made it through all my ramblings in this blog but i want you to know if you truly read the whole thing, i really appreciate that you took the time to read this all, because this is one of the most important blogs i have posted. I know its long and I ALWAYS write a lot, but 1) i write for me and 2) im glad that you read it and took the time (even tho it may have been tedious to read and/or boring lol) to do so. so I sincerely THANK YOU.
Have a great night everyone and God willing we all see another beautiful day, Have an outstanding tomorrow. :)
With lots of love,
|Saturday, June 24th, 2006|
|Written From My Heart
today has been like... .... yeah.
i LOOOOOVED the rain/thunder. it was the MOST amazing thing ever, it deff made me UBERRRR happy. :)
today at work was just so ah. Jacob rapped "lean back" to me to make me smile coz i wasnt feeling too good. I rapped with him and "leaned back" haha. it was pretty funny. so it deff made me smile. he is deff the best manager ever. without a doubt. Without him, i'd prolly quit my job. honestly. lol. I mean, there are other wicked cool ppl and managers who work there but Jacob is without a doubt THE BEST. I owe a lot to him, especially tonight. He's such a good friend.
A friend of mine at work was crying soooo bad tonight. Her heart was so broken and deeply saddened and I felt so bad. :-( that deff had an impact on my night. I am deffinately praying for her and her mother. None of you know her, so no names or other details will be dispensed, besides the fact that it would be at her discretion if i did.
I think my sister Jade might be the only one who understands me and truly knows what I mean when I say that tonight, I made it rain, and the thunder- was deff happening for a reason. ...
at the end of the night... idk but something was different. I came home, no walk.... GAHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'd go walking in the rain, but I dont want to go alone... :-/
I miss my Uncle Bryan sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much right now. If I could, I would go to the cemetary RIGHT NOW and talk to him. I know I can talk to him anytime I want, but ... idk sometimes I just want to be there to talk to him. Its partially to help me deal and to help my heart heal... but gahh... idk im gonna start crying if i continue talking about it...
I think some more poetry will be coming soon. I've also started writing a song. but meh... I think i'm gonna start over and write another. about something diverse, also.
I'm going to be making a slideshow of my best photography, but i'm not putting in online. Ask if you'd like to see it, if I dont already ask you if i can show you. I'm making some new plans for my room/new room. I'm going to be framing my photography and putting them up around my wall next to my paintings and my guitar photograph from the art show that is already up there.
Change is in the air for me. Not enough but its a start. My dad gave me some driving advice today "for if i ever start driving"... hah thats deff coming sooner rather than later. I'm getting my license soon and i'm looking into cars. Paying for college is agrrivating. I'm getting more hours at work so i'll be making more $$ now. I'm glad i got 2 raises. I deff need the money.
Dont even get me started on who I miss. you all know who you are...
I now have 3 bags of clothes to donate/sell. I have 3 or 4 pairs of shoes, and a whole huge box of toys to donate/sell. I'm really happy i'm letting go of these things. I've still got a ton of more things to do something with. My sister and I have made biiig plans for my house. Her and I both have our own ideas. hmmm this is gonna be good. I pray everything works out.
I am hoping tomorrow morning (or this morning rather) that I will get up early, have something healthy to eat, go for a walk, do some laundry, do some cleaning, do some dancing, then work 3-10, then home and hopefully go for a walk with my sister or something. I need to get away for awhile tho... I think i'm beggining to feel like I Need some time to myself for a bit... do some more soul searching and such. I've got a lot going on, thats why. I'm fine though. I miss my uncle Bryan so much. "didj'a ever" hehe <3.
tonight, I re-read the "about me" section I have on my myspace... yeah... I need to edit a few things on there, but i'm glad i took the time to realize who I am and find out who I am. I mean, honestly, unless you KNOW me personally and such, its just text... but I am so greatful for those who I have extremely close relationships with, and I love you guys so much, I hope you always know that.
I thought about my trip to Mississippi tonight... I always think of that. I began to wonder how things have improved since my Paws team and I went down there to help... I would go back there in a heartbeat to help again if I could. I sure do hope these people are continuing to get the help they need, but they need more than Hope, they need Helping Hands...
That experience has deffinately changed my life forever. ..
The 2nd to last time I went to the Chiropractor, I was thinking a lot about my uncle Bryan... and I was in one of those "uncle bryan" moods as I like to call them, and I was just thinking about him, I just felt his presence around me... it was wierd, and when I went to get adjusted Dr. Ron had mentioned him, and i was like... whoa, its like you JUST read my mind... then the song "you raise me up" came on... i was like... thats just WIERD!
i'm leaving my heart, here, in echo park.
So many things are changing and will be changing in my life. And as a person, I am changing somewhat also, but its for the better. I am becoming a better person, and I am happy for this. I sure do miss a lot of things in my life, but I will always look to the future and glance back once and awhile as a reminder of who I am and where I came from and how far I've come.
I have BIG hopes for the future. They're goals of mine. I know what I want in life and I wont stop till I have achieved my goals. I AM becoming a Chiropractor and a Professional Photographer. I've thought about what I want out of life besides career... like Love, family, home, everything. Been doing a lot of that it seems. Been thinking a lot about this crazy Life I lead, and in hopes of where it will take me. I know not to take life for granted, my Uncle has taught me this... and I am deeply saddened that he is no longer (physically) here with me...
The night before my Graduation from High School, I had tears streaming down my face and I said "I wish Uncle Bryan were here... " and I just fell apart in her arms. He still continues to teach me so many things, despite the fact he is no longer (physically) here. I feel his presence alot. For those who havent experienced this or KNOW me reallllllllly well, youre going to think im crazy but idc, but I was talking to my sister about this last night while at her house, and she told me how My grandfathers spirit is still in the house, and I said yes I know. Only when I'm alone in that house does he come around, and when I'm in the shower, I hear his footsteps walking up and down the hallway, but the one time I got out to look to see if I could see him, he was gone... the doors will still locked, the house was empty... Or how when my grandmother was alive, she would go to bed and the shades in the living room were CLOSED and when she woke up, they were open. and these shades werent something you could have opened without effort or hearing if someone else was in the house... His presence is still in the house, and at times, I feel my uncle's presence in the house. My grandfather's presence is still in the house... he protects us, and his heart was in that house, and thus it is where he stays. I felt my uncle's presence around me many times, and I often do in the rain/thunder. Or it CONVIENTLY (for those of you who think its just mother nature), rains and thunders everytime ive needed it to or has occurred when I felt overwhelmed or alone, or saddened bc ive lost them, or if my heart was acheing... like today, I just needed it and RIGHT when I felt that way- it DOWNPOURED and then HUGE ROLLS OF THUNDER went on for the longest time.... heh. :D I was THE happiest person at work today lol. I feel so at peace, so happy, so content when I hear rain, when I feel rain, when I hear thunder... its unexplainable.
I CANNOT wait to go to the pow wow in Sept. It's at Parker's Maple Barn in Mason, NH. Its always the first fri/sat/sun of the month. And Sept 11th is my grandmothers bday, so it often falls on that weekend. :D I dance in the circle more now, and I dont always dance in there, but it sets my spirit free, their music, its my culture... I love it. I am with my family, and its funny coz the native americans make fun of me coz i'm white lol. (you have to be there to understand lol) but its amazing. we are all friends there, there is continuous peace. I dance in the Honor The Spirit dance for those Loved Ones I have Lost... It's amazing. Being Native American is a huge part of my life. I feel so whole when I am at the pow wows. Its a lot of fun, even if youre NOT Native American. You DONT HAVE TO BE NATIVE AMERICAN to go, and let alone go and have a goood time. ANYONE IS WELCOME AT A POW WOW. :D (so this is very true, and this is also me INVITING YOU to come expericence a unique culture and have a good time).
*looks up...* I've written more than I thought I would have.. ahaha but its ok. anyways well right now I'm gonna go to bed now. I'll talk to you all later. Much Love, Take care, <3 Sheena May. Current Mood: "cruz" & "didj'a ever"
|Monday, April 3rd, 2006|
|Wise Words To Live By
Wise Words To Live By
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be colsoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. Amen."
|Tuesday, March 21st, 2006|
|I know the breakdown, everythings gonna shake now someday
Current Music: Tantric- "breakdown"
I know the breakdown, everythings gonna shake now someday
so today i feel so tired. grr. 1st pd omg it was so hard to be all non sleepy. gina is amazing lol. good times. lol math isnt supposed to be that fun, lol. then 2nd pd pottery we made masks and it felt so wierd, but it was pretty cool. mmmm vasoline! lol i like how we all sat around after and talked. those girls are the snazz. lol. then i went to 3rd pd english 4 where it kinda sucked but ehhh tomorrow were watching "what women want" ahahaha so great. :D God I Love Mrs. Paling! then i went to lunch, then i went to 4th block photo 2- we did a critique on our self portrait projects, then we did class work. then afterschool i walked and talked with jenilee on the way to the car, GOD OH GOD DO I MISS HER SO FLIPPING MUCH, I CANT STAND IT!!!!, then i came home and on my way home, my dad and i were talking, and then he stuck out his hand and so i held his hand till we got home, lol it was so wierd but it felt like the good old days when my dad wasnt so blah all the time, and then when i got home i ate a whole bunch and had a drink so i could pee for my drug test plus i was just hungry lol. so i went for my manager interview (even tho i already offically have the job), but the woman said i had no time and etc and so im doing it on thurs instead and so then i just went to do the drug test, omg i had to pee in a cup... lol. haha oh man. anywaysss lol after waiting and then having the peeing experience, just when i thought i was on my way home my dad swings by the cemetary and im like... ugh... :-/ we were there for like a min. i didnt get out of the car. i have been wanting to go there sooooo badly, but i wanted to be alone, i wanted to get out of the car and stay awhile but i couldnt and it felt diff bc my dad was there. i cant be myself. and it hurts. idk... w/e but im glad i got to go for a sec anyways, but i will deff be back soon i hope to pay a visit. then i finally thought i was going home but then we had to stop by the post office and it was funny coz my said my dad was a A**hole and it was funny, and thus my fave quote from my dad today would be "so you think your daddy is an A**hole too!?" lol. then i finally got to come home. and ive been doing hw and and stuff ever since.
i keep forgetting that tomorrow is early release. im uber excited. i need a break.
i paid TC almost $400 today for the trip to toronto in may. im uber excited things are going well.
no rehearsal for thriller this week. i could run this one by myself bc ericka and caroline cant make it but i said no bc some of the girls cant make it and its a good turnout bc today when i went to walmart for the interview, the woman told me i had orientation on thurs at 3pm. so i would have had to cancel practice anyways. im uber pumped and excited for next weeks practice tho. i hope i get wed off bc thats rehearsal days. i better, lol.
so yeah... exciting huh. :D ok back to homework and eating masssssshed potatoes mash mash potatoes, lol. leave some love, cmon u know u wanna! :P
"do you have the time, to listen to me whine, about nothing and everything all at once?" haha im listening to that song right now. i adore oldschool greenday. mmm. <3 coz im totally a basket case lol. just like the songs title. (basket case) lol. goodnight all. <3
ps- i love candles and insence. <333 (especially lilac candles!) theyre making me happy right now. taking my mind off my headache. :D (Jade I miss you. u know what im talking about. lol.)
AND I'm wiiicked excited bc my friend Rich asked me to go to the Senior Class Play with him bc he has a extra ticket! So that's gonna be so much fun and im really excited bc I haven't hung out with him since like middle of band season, lol and since im broke I couldn't afford to go to the play and I was so sad but now I can and im so happy bc now I get to go see Katie and everyone and support them and I know it means a lot to Katie for me to be there and now I can be, and its all thanks to Rich! YAY! :D Thanks kiddo! :D lol
|Monday, March 20th, 2006|
|I <3 the Weenie Squad! fo' lyfe!! hahaha :P :D
hey everyone its been awhile since i posted. i feel like updating but dont have a lot of time so for now i will make a quick update:
* i came back from Mississippi- most amazing experience ever, and i took a lot of AMAZING pics and i mean, amazing doesnt even begin to cover it lol.
* on my way to school that following monday i got in a huge car accident. some girl who shall remain nameless rearended me and i was sent in an ambulance to the emergency room had xrays, a nurse yell at me, yada yada yada and ive been in pain since except this week its not soo bad. i had mild wiplash and a backache and all that fun stuff. i missed 3 days of school, bc i literally couldnt get up. i felt like i was paralyzed, it sucked so bad. so i didnt shower for 3 days bc i literally couldnt. loss of sleep and pain sucks and now im still tryin to make up the work i missed.
* school is going so far ok for the time being, some classes im doing better than the other but im doing pretty good. THRILLER (we had our first practice last wed) and it went great, the routine is amazing and the girls are really into it and excited about it.
* this wed is early release- THANK GOD!
* the 16th was mine and Pat's 2 month anniversary. we hung out the night before bc on our anniversary he had class. we went bowling, he taught me how to play pool, then we went to bugaboo's. then on our anniversary, i guess it was coming for a lil bit.. he broke up with me. im pretty heartbroken about it, but were still good friends... its kinda tough for me, but im doing ok for right now. he still feels for me and everything its just we had one issue we needed to work out... and i guess we couldnt bc of how i am but oh well... but i dont want anyone talking to him about it, it will only make me angry or upset, so please leave him alone and dont bother him about anything. idc who you are, if i consider you a good friend please respect my wishes, if you go against them, you will regret it, lets just put it that way. but i dont think i'll have to worry about that.. i hope we get back together someday. were still going to canada and WA together with our families and were still friends and stuff. and we are still gonna hang out and stuff but i do miss being able to call him mine. no other girl is gonna take my place i'll tell you that much. idk im so confuzed but not at the same time, i still care about him, i still feel the same about him, but w/e its nobodys business. but im just saying. he still has my heart, regardless. (haha shannon... REGARDLESS, lol.) anyways...
* also i would like to take this time to mention (sadly its only briefly) all the ppl who i love so much and who have been there for me recently when i needed them and how much i appreiciate them and what theyve done and idk what id do without them and i just want them to know they are such amazing friends and i couldnt ask for more, and im so happy i have them in my life and i love them to death and if they ever need anything im here for them in return.
my guard girls
and everyone else, if i forgot to put your name i am sorry!
also- tonight has been such an amazing day! heres why:
ok i had an ok day at school, then i came home, went to walmart, and had an interview, and got the job! im a cashier now! YAY! and then when i got home, i went with my sister, tony and elise to go bowling, and then we went to the olive garden, it was the best time of my life omg i love them soooo much! weenie squad for life! <333
so now i am verrrrrrry happy but ive got a ton of work to do and im stressed lol so i g2g for now and i will update again later! love you all, hope everyone is doing well!
ttyl, love Sheena! :D Current Mood: ecstatic
|Friday, March 17th, 2006|
this is a poem i wrote. it fits exactly to the way i feel as of this very moment.
Grant me thunder, grant me rain - By Sheena D.
January 24th, 2005
"Grant me thunder
Grant me rain
Grant me the strength to get through all this pain
Grant me the knowledge to not complain
To learn to look outside my life
To see the bigger picture
Grant me the wit to fit the pieces into the puzzle
To figure out the things
That has me so puzzled
Grant me thunder
Grant me rain
Grant me the strength to get through all this pain
These thoughts so strenuous
Just tugging away at my soul
My spirits calling for you
Just awaiting your hold
I’ve got all I need within my life
But everything is wrong
And I feel as if something is missing
And I know just what I need to fill that void
But how many of these thoughts will it deploy?
Here I sit in contemplation
Wondering about what I’m going to do
Hoping that one day I will just find that penny in my shoe
Old and dusty
Haven’t worn them for awhile now
As I look at them memories come flooding in
As I bow my head and rejoice
Soon I know I will see the sun
Soon I will know I have won
Soon I know the battle shall be done
No more torture
I beg of thee
No more sorrow
I beg of thee
Clear vision is drawing near
The end of sorrow is gone by ear
Whispering wind drift over thee
Make this place safe for me
All I’m asking for is for you to hear my plea
What is it that I have done to thee?
How much longer of this load can I bare?
Starting to walk this road
With no one awaiting there
I’ve set my sites by the beat of the drum
From a far off unknown land by which I’ve come
Someone I know will one day see
Someone I know will one day hear
Someone I know will one day understand
This picture of which I envisioned
This sound of which I plead
Out there somewhere I’m waiting for you
This disarray of mentality
This clear vision is now so hard to see
Oh but when will this come to me
I just don’t know just how long until time will tell
And just release me from this awful spell
Grant me thunder
Grant me rain
Grant me the strength to get through all this pain" Current Mood: heartbroken beyond imagination
|Sunday, March 5th, 2006|
|i'm home from Mississippi
hey guys, im back from mississippi. that trip has changed my life forever and im already a different person. things are gonna change in my life. im making changes for my own conditions. if only you guys could have experienced being there and helping out. Oh Lord. I bet a lot of ppl i know couldnt handle it though. to be honest. but i cant thank god enough for giving me the opportunity to go down there and make a difference in someones life and my own. i actually made a grown man cry of happiness. i felt so bad but he was crying for good reasons. he said i touched him so deeply by being there and by the words i said. i'll tell you guys about it at a different time because ive got to go unpack and do hw and laundry and junk. so i'll ttyl.
ps- thanks to everyone who actually cared that i left and then cared that i came back and thought about me (atleast once).
|Sunday, February 26th, 2006|
|leavin for mississippi
hey everyone, its sheena here. just wanted to make one last update before i leave. i have to go finish packing and whatnot and im gonna shower in the AM i guess, lol. but yeah i have to be at school at 530 am like i said previously. i will return to school around 930pm on friday.
i will be able to call from there around 6pm or later NASHUA time from monday until thurs i believe. i have a phone card so i can call u guys. i'll prolly just call home to my family and to my boyfriend and maybe a few friends, but i assume you are all working. but anyways...
you can also write to me while im down there if you wish to do so. and if that is the case here are the addresses:
(United States Postal Service Address) --v
Sheena *insert my last name here* With Americorps
Pass Christian, MS 39571
(UPS or FedEx address) --v
Sheena *insert my last name here* With Americorps
c/o Americorps Information Center
377 E Second Street
Pass Christian, MS 39571
alright well i must bid thee farewell for now. I'll see you guys next week! Love you all. Keep us in your hearts, thoughts and prayers.
|Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006|
life is such a crazy thing. WOW. im so floored by this. NO JOKE. haha.
the day before i got about 2 hrs and stayed after to make up a test.
last night i got very few hrs of sleep. (ive been going to bed late and im having trouble sleeping again sometimes. :-/)
today ive been at school from 7am until 9pm. OH- MY- GOD!!!
tiday for school i wore purple and white (we had to for P.W.A.C) and i wore my beads and i had a cool nametag and it was just OH SO FUN and i looked reallly good today and it was such a nice surprise. i love feeling like im ontop of the world. then again, who wouldnt? lol.
today in math we had 2 donuts! and i brought tea. mmmm. and i love the inside jokes with Ginalicious. haha!
i missed my 2nd pd class (pottery) to go to bicentenial elementary to talk to the little kids and paint paw prints on their faces and it was the most amazing thing ever!
then 3rd pd was english. good times there.
then lunch (which i didnt eat anything)
then 4th block- photo 2. haha fun times with edmara. and shawna and cayla. i didnt see banner much. :-/
then afterschool i had rehearsal from 2-5. CUH-RAY-ZEE. haha i adore ericka and manny. FUN TIMES. we did really good with routine and it looks amazing and its so fun to do. haha and katie knows the beginning. its so great. lol i love it when she joins in! haha. and manny was our DJ. and good times with laughing to dane cook in the closet, ahaha. then TC walks in. OH LORD was that funny. haha. we were taking a break. we were so tired but did a heck of a job.
then i had to run to grab my stuff from my mom.
then bake sale for my Paws With A Cause from 5-6pm. (fun times with Kathy, Sarayu, Caroline, Amber, Dina and others.)
then empty bowls from 6-8pm while still managing the bake sale. then cleaning up. then i got home after 9.
Mika was amazing tonight. there are just no words. hehe. she played all my fave songs of hers. and she played the song she wrote for me for my bday and she mentioned that. and i LOVE that song so much. she made me so happy by singing all her AW-MAZING songs. she sings so beautifully and played amazing. she also looked OH SO SNAZZY as well. Mika = pure Love. hehe.
im sooooooo dead tired and stressed and just every emotion is going through me. im very happy. nervous. excited. stressed. tired. full. just everything.
im leaving on sunday morning at 5am for Mississippi with a group from my school to help with the hurricane relief efforts. were sleeping on a cot in a huge tent. no hotels no nothing. showers maybe every other day if were lucky or if were even luckier everyday, but shower time will be limited im sure bc they only have so much clean water. we'll be eating pb&j sandwiches pretty much everyday. same food everyday. nothing fancy. we'll be waking around 6am, breakfast at 7 (or something like that) then working until 5pm or 7pm or something. its gonna be rough, i wont be back until the 3rd of march. I get no FEB VACA. but its worth it. i will fill u in when i get back. i'll update again before i leave.
i hope i get to rest just a lil bit before i go down there. its gonna be one heck of a life experience. but OH SO WORTH IT. <333
for now, i must get to my hw. so I bid thee goodnight.
|Monday, February 20th, 2006|
i got my senior pics. but they seriously look like trash. im not happy at all. i like maybe a few of them. maybe. let me know if you want one.
and also... i need a date for Senior Prom... any takers since idk if Pat is gonna go with me or not... whether if we are still together or not. who knows at this point. but w/e. any takers if pat and i dont go together???
im so full of everything.
i wonder if anyone out there understands.
i will write in detail later. i have a headache. but maybe i will update in detail soon after i post this. who knows.
so much going through my head and heart, idk where to start.
over feb vaca i'll be in Lousianna... to help with Hurrican Relief Efforts. OH WOW.
life is so crazy. i think ive already lost my mind.
in this blender of emotions.
|So Pardon Me...
while i burst.
Pardon me while I burst
Pardon me while I burst
A decade ago, I never thought I would be
A eighteen on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Woe-is-me
But I guess that it comes with the territory.
An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear. I need you to see.
That I have had all I can take
And exploding seems like a definite possibility
So Pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games
So Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Not, two days ago I was having a look in a book
And I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees
I said I can relate
Cause lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from
The burdens of the planet earth, like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
but thinking so much differently.
Pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games
Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Never be the same...yeah.
Pardon me while I burst into flames.
Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games
So pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Pardon me, never be the same. Yeah
|Saturday, February 18th, 2006|
ive been drivin for an hour, just talkin to the rain.
|Wednesday, January 18th, 2006|
so yeah life has been interesting. check my xanga for latest updates.
its not a long entry either so just suck it up and read it.
oh and uhm... i have a boyfriend now! and hes amazing!
<3 Taken. - Patrick 1.16.06 <3
I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oo happy. :)
oh and ALL YOU BAND KIDS BETTER GO TO THE BAND PARTY NEXT FRIDAY!!!!!!!! or else. mmk thanks.
im performing my cg project routine on friday! sadly not infront of the band class. grr. oh well. :-P
concert tonight. i hope i can go. alright im gonna go for now.
Love ya, Sheena.
|Saturday, January 14th, 2006|
Friday, January 13, 2006
ok quick update. verrry brief.
school sucks, well for the most part.
ive made new friends :) and am SO much closer with all the best friends i already have :D
finals next week, i think i might only have 1? or 2 counting colorguard, lol coz i want to take that one.
weve started writing routine to THRILLER for the toronto trip. its so flippen amazing.
im tired. and im working on my cg project. then college stuff. then ginas bday party tomorrow until sunday. then home sweet home and doing cg stuff and etc and hopefully hangin with the coolest guy ever Pat! lol he rocks my socks. lol. haha anyways.
no school monday- THANK GOD. Its Martin Luther King, Jr. Day! exciting!
my moms bday was 2 days ago and today is my sisters bday.
my sister is moving out and moving in with her boyfriend into my sisters house where she lives with her boyfriend.
i'll have my own room for the first time in my entire life, and soon too! SOO excited. but sad too. but more excited than sad. fun times ahead. lol.
and only 20 days until im 18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ive been visited by Spirits A LOT lately. I saw my Uncle... he touched my shoulder.
this past week on tues i brought my Best Friend Tamika some homemade pankcakes and syrup for lunch! and i brought her some fruit too coz she likes to have fruit with her pancakes. haha she loved it. sarayu like the pancakes too! :D hehe
alright, end of post. hope all is well with you all.
Much Love, Sheena
i went to Gina's bday party- well part one, hehe. we went to the movies. i saw marie. it was a blast. the movie was hilarious and i had a good time. then im going to her house for a sleepover thing from 7-730 until 10am tomorrow morning. woot!
ps- college stuff is really aggrivating meeeeeeee. grrr.
i have my moms cell if you need me coz i wont be home.
much love. ttyl.
|Tuesday, December 20th, 2005|
|im going on the trip to New Orleans!!! heres my winning "essay"
Student Number 59
I have many motivations to travel to the Gulf Coast Region to help the clean up efforts; the most important one being it is vital to get some help to the victims of Hurricane Katrina in their time of need.
Throughout my life, I’ve had many devastating things happen to my family and I. I was born in Missouri, where it down poured and experienced Tornados quite frequently. Luckily, my family and I were able to survive all of them. Years later we finally moved to New England only to become dependent on Welfare for many, many years. We depended solely on the support of the community for help to help us live from day to day. I feel as if I can relate somewhat to the Hurricane Katrina victims. I feel as if this could be my opportunity to give back and to say Thank You. When I compare my troubles to those of the Katrina victims, mine feel so minute.
I have come from a long line of relatives who were involved in the Military, which has taught me to follow instructions and I’ve become very disciplined, hard working, dedicated, and I never give up no matter what. My Uncle Bryan, who recently passed away a little more than a year ago, depended on the support of his friends and family because of his spinal injury. Despite all of his struggles in everyday life, he taught me how important it is to help others in need, no matter how large my own problems may seem. He has been the biggest inspiration to me, and I know that if he had the opportunity to help others in need for this cause, he would in a heartbeat, and he would want me to experience this as well.
If it weren’t for the support of my friends and family, I would not be the young woman I am today, and I would not be where I am today. I’ve always been a caring and compassionate person, and often think about others before myself and will go out of my way to make someone feel better, give advice, or help to make a situation seem better than it really is. I know how it feels to finally receive the miracle I’ve been praying on for what may have seemed like forever, and I am very thankful for the help and support my family and I have received. I would love to take this opportunity to share that feeling with the victims of Hurricane Katrina. I strongly believe that when one person helps another in a community, both the people and the entire community are benefited- so why not practice what I preach, right? And I’m sure that if NH were ever in need, they would be there to help as soon as they could. “What goes around, comes around”
I know I don’t have much, but I’ve got my family and friends, and to me, that’s enough. I do not have many luxuries, but I do have the luxury of a roof over my head, a nice hot shower when I need it, food in my stomach, clothes to wear, my education, and the love and support of my friends and family, which are all of the things the Hurricane Katrina victims now do without. Somehow, I’d like to change that. Just comparing the victims’ problems with my own, I am truly thankful for what I have, and I feel like the richest person in the world. This has taught me to not take these luxuries for granted, and to appreciate what I have. If there’s one thing I would like the opportunity to do, it would be to help those who are in need, and to those who have helped my family and I as a way to express my gratitude.
Sometimes it takes more than just donations, it takes people who contribute hands-on help.
|Saturday, December 10th, 2005|
|I am the biggest goober you will ever know! hahahaha
well, the snow day yesterday gave me some time to listen to music, work on my colorguard project, watch a movie, and then i got cramps, lol. it hurt sooooo bad but im fine now. :) yesterday when i woke up, i made homemade pancakes and syrup, and it was sooooooo yummy! oh man, its like cool breeze on a hot summer day good, lol. or a nice hot cup of cocoa wiht a special someone (or good friend) sittin by the fireplace good. lol.
today i woke up (i had 2 nightmares last night :-( ) and had some breakfast, then went online for a few, and ever since ive been in my room. oh man. good times. lol.
i went down to my room, and put on some music and have been cleaning a bit. oh my god, im deff cleaning more often bc its so much fun! wait.. what did she just say? haha YES you heard me right- wanna know whY? its crazy fun coz ive been by myself just dancin around in my pjs to music and i found sooooo much cool stuff i havent seen in years and it makes me so happy! lol. and plus my room is cleaner and I have more space to move around and I have more clothes to donate and more toys to donate, and I found my jacket (in my closet- go figure, and it had 75 cents in the pocket, lol) and my sweatshirt and 2 pairs of pants I bought before school started, lol.
i feel so content and so happy with myself, and i havent felt that way for awhile cozza all this stress and junk ive been dealing with. but i have the greatest music collection and it makes me so happy, ive been just dancin around and singing and jumpin up and down and dancing around while cleaning. and i went into my bathroom ( i have one in my room) and i sang into the mirror, lol. i shut the door, turned up the volume to my music and sang and danced around, hahahaha it was soooo much fun! you should see the smile on my face right now oh lordy! im so happy!!! and surprisingly my dad hasnt yelled at me today for anything, well he did earlier but i forgot about that. and i took some amazing pics of a sunset today, and when i couldnt get a good shot i just made a video of it, lol. so that has me so pumped. i found some of my rings, some of my old photos, some oldschool stuff from my freshman and sophomore year, some cool stuff my friends gave me, my POETRY!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!, and my necklaces and just UGH= makes me happy~!
i know i dont have a boyfriend, but i am finally content with who i am, i am happy, and if the guy i like decided he likes me too, then maybe something good will happen, but until then, who knows. but i am happy with who i am, and it feels pretty good. when i was dancin in my bathroom and singing and being a total goober, i realized i saw the real me from the inside out. i saw who i was on the inside shining, and it felt good. i feel beautiful, and im in my pj pants and a tank top with my hair up in a messy lil thing and im just dancin around feeling comfy and it feels great- and now all i need to do is find the guy who will love me whether im dressed up or dancin around the room in my pjs actin like a goofball without a care in the world. haha
i feel happy, and since i feel like im getting a lil out of shape, im gonna do some more working out and dancing keeps you in shape, so i think i worked off a lot today, lol. but it made me not think about all the worries i have for a lil while and it feels good.
i just took a break from cleaning and dancin around like an idiot and came upstairs to get something to eat- and i realized i still had pancakes left from yesterday- so guess what i had to eat! lol. and theyre soooooooooooooooo delish! so that made me happy!
but yeah, now im gonna go back down to my room and maybe watch a movie while cleaning or listen to music while cleaning, then onto college apps/scholarship stuff and hw and yeah. so i might come back to check a few things, but if not, i'll be online tomorrow. feel free to call me if youd like, or leave me messages, but if you dont, which will prolly happen, i wont be offended. lol.
<3 Sheena Current Mood: happy